Unless you are a hermit living in a cave and growing your own food, you need to interact with other people. Stressful relationships top the chart of my clients’ reasons to see me for stress management. “Hell is other people!” declared French playwright Jean-Paul Sartre. And, sometimes you might agree, and wonder why the hell this person Is trying to make your life miserable. Usually, though, conflict with another person is not so intense – just low key annoyance. He says something that triggers your anger. You say something that he interprets as criticism.
How do you break the cycle of negativity between people? Because at our core, we are social beings woven together in Divine Love. We thrive on respectful, loving, courageously kind interactions with others.
Here are three keys to building healthy, loving relationships:
1) Self-love. At Unity North Spiritual Center, we sing a song, “I love myself so much, that I can love you so much, that you can love you so much, that you can start loving me.” Be your own best friend and treat yourself with loving kindness. Don’t say anything to yourself that you wouldn’t want a friend to say to you. The energetic vibration you send out comes back to you. When you feel more love for yourself, you will get more love back.
2) Listen. Listen deeply to the other person. What are they really trying to say underneath their crunchy exterior? Marshall Rosenberg, founder of the Compassionate Communication Model, asks What is the unmet need? Are they really expressing hurt feelings? Or fear of abandonment? Or sadness from an unresolved past wound? Can you find compassion in your heart to hear what the other person is really saying which he lacks the skills to communicate? Raise the vibration of the conversation through your deep listening with the ears of love.
3) Creativity. Imagine that there might be another solution outside the box of your frustration. Open your awareness to the possibility that there might be a third option, a better solution, or an easier path. Keeping an open heart and mind opens the doorway for creative solutions. A new awareness and understanding might be right around the corner which will create a bridge to better communication.
Certainly, some relationship stress requires intervention or therapy to come to resolution. However, most stressful situations between people can be improved through applying three keys: be kind to yourself, listen with the ears of love, and allow your inner creative wisdom to show you a better solution.
In my spiritual healing practice, I focus on helping change-makers manage stressful relationships so they can expand their impact in the world. I offer Intentional Energy Healing sessions to raise the energetic vibration of the relationship so everyone can thrive. If you would like assistance to heal a relationship drama with a loved one, I can help. Let’s set up a time to chat. Email me at leah.skurdal@gmail.com
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