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Some Dads Screw Up

I’m reposting an article in honor of a dad I know and care about who is incarcerated because he screwed up big time.

Father’s Day opens a can of worms for some people. Feelings of abandonment and unresolved issues resurface. This post is for people who want to find peace in their screwed up father relationships.

Some fortunate people had wonderful relationships with loving fathers. I was blessed with a father who loved, supported and encouraged his kids. I loved him dearly and still miss him daily. My father also screwed up – royally. He spent half of his adult life as an emotionally unavailable alcoholic – and then celebrated 29 years of sobriety when he died. He went bankrupt and lost the family home – and then rebuilt a comfortable retirement income which benefited his family. He cheated on his marriage more than once – and, due to my mother’s graciousness, my father rebuilt a loving relationship with her and his children.

Fathers screw up sometimes. We all screw up sometimes. Looking at my father’s life and screw ups with compassion gave me a new perspective into my own life and my own mistakes. My new awareness brought me peace with my father and with myself.

Fathers are people with unmet needs too – even those men whom we do not admire. Maybe they had abusive fathers themselves with no good role models in sight. Maybe they had unrealistic expectations of themselves and their abilities and therefore felt inadequate. Maybe our culture imposed unrealistic expectations on them.

One of the saddest things I have heard was from Brené Brown’s interview with a man who said his wife and children would rather see him die on his white horse than to see him fall down. Ouch.

Cheers to the men who fall down and get up again. And again. And again.

Cheers to the men who confront their inner demons and live to tell the tale. Because some men don’t make it through the rain. (Tribute to Barry Manilow) “I made it through the rain and found myself respected by the others who got rained on too, and made it through.”

I’m not letting anyone off the hook for screwing up, lying, cheating, stealing, or abusing and belittling someone to make themselves feel powerful. Abusing power is never ok.  But each of us can choose whether to hold on to judgment of themselves and others. I encourage you to make amends now and make better choices next time.

It’s not too late to make amends, to write the letter, to make the phone call, to visit the person who longs to hear your voice saying they are loved.  I screwed up and I still love you. Or you screwed up and I’m really pissed off, but I want to understand your perspective. Let’s talk.

If, for whatever reason, you’re not able to confront that father-child relationship in person, reach out energetically and spiritually. Write the letter and burn it. Say a prayer in your heart. Connect Soul to Soul and speak your piece to the wind.  Then, let go and listen with your heart for the next step.

I specialize in helping people heal relationships at a spiritual level. Let me know if I can help. The higher perspective from a spiritual level brings clarity and inner peace –  often this builds the bridge to outer peace.  

Leah Skurdal, Intuitive Wellness Guide, leads Soul Expeditions aligning with your highest good to navigate stressful relationships at their spiritual roots across generations. https://leahskurdal.com/massage-energy-healing/
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Mid-Week Mini Retreat

Are you one of the sensitives and empaths getting rocked with everything going on in the world? Uncertain times can challenge our abilities to deal with change.

I’m noticing again, I want to lie down for 20 minutes to push the reset button. Time to refresh.

We want to stay strong and stable for our family, friends and coworkers. Sometimes, being a lighthouse for others to see clearly takes clarity and focus, perseverance, and determination. You’d love to be a light for others – if you had the time and energy. But filling your cup first went on the ToDo list a while ago.

We keep hearing that self-care builds resilience and resilience is not a luxury. Maybe you’re like me and sometimes, when we show up as our best for others, we feel drained. Then, that’s not really our best. We need to show up for ourselves as our best and brightest.

What does it take for you to show up for yourself as your best?
What does it take for you to show up as your best for others?
How do you do both simultaneously?

I have to pause and refocus so I fill myself from within while being available for someone else. It’s kind of like refueling the plane in flight. Some days I pull that off better than other days. Some days, I need extra refreshment – the inner refreshment from my soul, rather than outer refreshment.

Wouldn’t it be lovely to have a time dedicated for yourself at the end of the day? A little mid-week retreat for your soul to reconnect to what matters would be a blessing. You’d enjoy a little space to decompress and rejuvenate.

That’s how Annetta felt about our Jazz Living course. “I look forward to a weekly mini retreat. You take me on a nice journey into myself. I feel comfortable and a sense of trust in our growing community. I enjoy the creative and reflective process of practicing The Art of Jazz Living.” ~ Annetta Leigh

Members of our Jazz Living community have the opportunity to connect with like-minded souls in a safe and supportive environment. We practice applying jazz principles to daily living to improve our resilience and creativity. We help each other tap into our vibrant inner resources to navigate uncertainty and change.

The next session of our Jazz Living community opens April 20 and runs 6 Wednesday evenings. For the course link click HERE :

Here’s a free 30-minute introduction if you’d like to learn more: Click HERE
Finding Resilience Through Jazz Living (even if you don’t like jazz).

If you’d like to chat about your resilience building journey, I’d love to share a conversation over a zoom tea. Message me.

What can you do for yourself today to hear your inner wisdom more clearly?

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Toggle to Inner Wellbeing

Have you felt the unease I’ve noticed in the past few days of current world events? I couldn’t put my finger on it. Suddenly, I was feeling off, down, a little anxious, ungrounded. I was feeling great on Tuesday, 2.22.2022. Then, Thursday morning, a wave of anxiety washed over me, learning about the Russian aggression against Ukraine.

Today, I’m digging deeper into my natural wellbeing. I feel the best contribution I can make is staying grounded and in the flow of wellbeing for all. I focused on my body rhythm to be fully present in the now moment. I felt deeply into the inner glow of wellbeing within, under the layer of anxiety. I affirmed “I choose wellbeing anyway.” Then, I let go and allowed myself to feel uplifted and carried on the flow of wellbeing. Suddenly, I have my groove back. It was always there – on the other side of a veil.

What can you do to affirm wellbeing for all in solidarity with Ukrainians?  Can you acknowledge the insanity and choose inner wellbeing for yourself anyway? Find your inner rhythm through movement: stretch, walk outside, move your body. Get quiet and feel where your heartbeat meets your breath. Listen deeply for what is yours to do. Then take the next right action.

I call that
The Art of Jazz Living.

Would you like support practicing the Art of Jazz Living skills so you can toggle to your wellbeing more gracefully even when life feels tough? You’re invited to join our practice group, The Art of Jazz Living. The next session starts Tuesday March 1, 6:30-8pm Central time.  Check out the course here:

https://wellnessuniverse.learnitlive.com/Class/The-Art-of-Jazz-Living%3A-Overcoming-Challenges-with-Grace%2C-Ease-%26-Joy/20283

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Everyday Gratitude

Some days the best version of me is better than other days. My squirrel brain gets wrapped up trying to comprehend why some people live and others die.
I don’t get it.

We point to variables like access to medical care, safe neighborhoods, privileges, and prayers. But that doesn’t explain the random stuff that happens out of the blue.

Prayer is a strong variable. I thought my mother’s prayers saved me from dying in a car crash when I was 20. But if prayer was a key variable, then 8-year-old Finn, who had an entire army of prayer warriors, wouldn’t have died in a car crash. Did Finn complete his life purpose at the age of 8?

We think going to a holiday parade sounds like a safe neighborhood activity. But some parade-goers were in the wrong place at the wrong time when a mentally unstable person drove into a crowd of people and caused multiple deaths.

Why does one senior citizen live through a major illness and another die from the same illness? Their immune system might be a variable. Why does a seemingly healthy person suddenly die of an aneurysm or a stroke? Have they completed their life purpose? To me, it’s a mystery.

We don’t know the variables at any given time that line up for one person to live and another die. We humans can’t comprehend the variables or guarantee the actions that create results we prefer.

I think the best we can do is be the best version of ourselves at any given time. Then, take the best actions we can. We don’t know which actions will make a difference for ourselves or for someone else. So, act as if every action matters.

Practice random acts of kindness. Be a blessing. Live in the vibration of gratitude.

Note to my squirrel brain: Then, let go of trying to control everything. There’s a bigger plan unfolding through us.

#WUWorldChanger

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How’s Your EQ Score This Year?

What emotional baggage weighs you down?
Are you ready to stop carrying those heavy rocks of fear, anger, resentment, betrayal, and abandonment around?
Raise your Emotional Intelligence EQ and release a few burdens.

Raise Your EQ – Emotional Intelligence to improve resilience, enhance relationships and expand impact.

You are invited to attend the Raise Your EQ free Master Class where you will learn three transformative tools to:

  • uplevel your emotional response to stay calm in the storms of life;
  • respond to stressful feelings and help lower anxiety and suffering;
  • deepen connections to your loved ones and improve your relationships.
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Courage is a Decision

Fear is a reaction. Courage is a decision. Do you agree? Why or why not? The following story made me wonder about my own courage in crisis.

Someone told the story of their great aunt living in Nazi Germany in 1934. The woman was sitting at the back of a bus stopped by the SS. Soldiers came onto the bus, checked people’s papers and sent a few people off the bus to a waiting truck. As the soldiers made their way toward the back of the bus, the woman started shaking and tears streamed down her face. The man sitting next to her asked what was wrong. She said, “I don’t have the papers you have. I’m a Jew.” The man started yelling loudly, “You stupid bitch! I can’t stand you! I can’t be in public with you!” The SS soldier asked what was wrong. The man said, “My wife has left her papers at home again!” The soldiers laughed and continued on past. The woman never saw the man again and did not even know his name.

I found this gem of a story in a box of files circa 1994. I don’t know the author or the book it came from. Thank you, Unknown Author, for your inspirition today.

#8wellbeingmoment #WUWorldChanger